The cursed 'vegan lasagna' is simply not a lasagna

People online are always getting mad about food they do not feel is made correctly -- the more egregious the crime, the more heated the discourse. This makes sense: Food is both highly personal and highly political, and beloved dishes are constantly being misinterpreted and bastardized beyond recognition. (Remember the peas in the guacamole?)

It's not surprising, then, that a lot of people were horrified by the "vegan lasagna" that made the rounds on Reddit and Twitter this week. The dish, which -- according to TODAY -- was created by an engineer trying to accommodate a vegan friend for dinner, does not contain any of the ingredients that usually comprise a lasagna. There is no cheese, no pasta, and no tomato sauce. The whole cursed thing is just sliced onions and sliced tomatoes layered between pieces of iceberg lettuce.

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This is the primary issue with the salad lasagna: It is not a lasagna at all.

The disturbing salad brick lacks nearly every defining quality of a lasagna (with the exception of a layered construction), but it also commits a deeper crime against the form, which is that it looks bad: exposed, naked, a little too wet. Lasagnas, by contrast, look good. Even vegan ones.

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Actual vegan lasagna -- lasagna that incorporates versions of traditional lasagna ingredients -- can be delicious. There are plenty of plant-based ricotta alternatives on the market (or you can make your own), and while they probably aren't as delicious as actual ricotta, they are certainly better than thin pieces of red onion jammed between soggy leaves. And plant-based meat alternatives are everywhere -- there are entire forums dedicated to making satisfying vegetarian and vegan lasagnas. For those who follow a vegan diet, these methods will do the trick.

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So what is the wet leaf prism if not a lasagna? It is a salad -- a house salad of sorts -- that has been arranged in an unconventional shape. If all layered foods were lasagna, a cheesecake would be a lasagna. A tiramisu would be a lasagna. A seven-layer dip would be a lasagna. The borders of "lasagna," as a category, would weaken to the point of utter collapse. Do we really want another hot dog-sandwich discourse to start? Do we really have that much energy?

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All this is not to say that the raw lettuce casserole is inherently bad, believe it or not. House salads can be great, especially with a good dressing. (The salad lasagna creator's friend enjoyed his with a nice vinaigrette.) And it doesn't appear the creator of this dish intended to replacelasagna; he simply wanted to create a visually interesting dish that his friend could eat. In that realm, he succeeded.

But perhaps assembling a house salad in the likeness of a superior dish -- a dish full of cheese and pasta -- is a setup for disappointment.

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