The Trump administration has 10 important things to learn from teens who do Model UN

2025-04-28 01:03:47admin

Historically, students who participate in Model United Nations have a certain reputation: They're insufferably upbeat nerds with poor posture who are bullied for completely understandable reasons.

As a former Model UN participant and dropout, I can say this with authority. I can also say I'm not alone in wishing that many of those exact same teenagers—every single one of whom had more foreign policy education than our Secretary of State when he started—had positions with our State Department.

It's time for these mild-mannered dorks to rise and take back our country.

SEE ALSO: 10 people afflicted by the failure of Trumpcare

Below, a few elementary lessons in diplomacy a bunch of 13 year olds can teach the current administration.

1. Nurture your allies, don't destroy them in your first 24 hours in the game

The next time you're thinking of kicking up a fight with Australia, one of our main allies during World War II, do what Model UN kids do: play nice in public, then make fun of their SAT scores on the bus ride home.

2. If you don't know what you're talking about, at least read the Wikipedia page beforehand

Via Giphy

Model UN students often go on very little information, but that doesn't stop these Dartmouth wannabes from professing to know everything just because their mom google searched it for them.

3. Actually read the policy papers people hand you

Any Model UN champion will tell you this simple but important thing: Read the policy papers your coach gives you to read. The same should go for life-or-death intelligence briefings.

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4. Be warned: Russia is super dangerous and not your friend

Russia (aka Valley Regional High School) wants to see you fail. Don't be fooled just because they've offered you back to their hotel room later for golden showers/to drink Mike's hard lemonade.

5. Don't make out with foreign adversaries/kids from other high schools

Via Giphy

That's against team rules! And in Trump's case, could mean the end of the world. If you're going to be impeached, at least do something original.

6. Eat Pizza Hut the right way or face banishment

Late night Pizza Hut is a staple of the Model UN diet. Please eat their garbage pizza the way real humans do.

7. Don't make the skinny kid on your team do all your work for you

Credit: AP/REX/Shutterstock

Just because he's small and does his homework doesn't mean its his job to lift up the entire country.

8. Remember you are here to solve diplomatic crises, not sell weed in the bathroom

Don't take advantage of your position to push your private business, whether that's janky weed or memberships to your overcooked steak club.

9. Brevity is the soul of wit, not international diplomacy

Model UN kids produce long, thorough policy pronouncements that often approach 12 pages.

The current administration does this.

Actual Tillerson statement on North Korea missile launch pic.twitter.com/OV2xsTm0yI
— Yeganeh Torbati (@yjtorbati) April 4, 2017

10. Smile for the Yearbook photo

Via Giphy

Even if your country is collapsing, you've got to put on your best face for the cameras. Everyone at school—which is basically everyone in the world—is going to see this, and you need them to think you're hot if you're going to survive.

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